Perspective

One of my friends sent this email home this week. It was just what I needed to hear.

"It's interesting feeling to be a trainer because I feel myself being made more than I am, better than I am. I feel the inspiration about what to say, how to teach, and what to do coming to my mind. I had this realization the other day while praying, that though I have so far to go still, right now I am the best I have ever been in my life. The best person I have ever been. Higher than I have ever been. When hiking a big mountain, there comes a point when you look backwards and don't even see the ground anymore, but you look forward and you don't see the top either. That's where I am in my journey back to my Heavenly Father. 

I spent too large of a portion of my mission focusing on my inadequacies, feeling like I had so many weaknesses that I would never be able to leave behind, never be able to truly overcome, or just feeling like I didn't measure up. I learned that this is like when Peter tried to walk on water in the bible. He started out okay, he knew he was weak, and he needed the help of our Savior, but somewhere along the way instead of looking forward to the Savior who was reaching out his hand, he started looking down and became consumed with how much he couldn't do, and as we know, his faith failed him and he fell into the sea. So, like Peter, we can look down and see that the circumstances around us that seem impossible, and then become consumed with how much we haven't done, haven't changed, and don't measure up, and by so doing lose sight of the power of the atonement, and our Saviors loving hand reaching out to pull us up as he did to Peter. Or the second option is to recognize that we are weak, and that there is not one singular thing we can do without the help of our Savior, but that he is right there is front of us, calling our name, and pleading with us to look forward to Him, not down. If you have already begun to sink, or are treading water, or feeling like your strength is failing, and very soon you are going to drown in the depths of the sea, than I invite you to remember as Peter did, to look up and see the Savior standing over us, reaching down to lift us up out of the crashing waves of self critiquing, self doubt, and unrealistic expectations. The moral of the story is, sometimes we just have to get over ourselves, get out of our own way, and LET GO. We convince ourselves that it is humility to think poorly of ourselves or be hard on ourselves, or other times we set expectations for ourselves that are quite frankly way too high. But "know ye not that.....ye are not your own?" (Corinthians 6:19). Therefore God sets the expectations, the requirements, God makes the mighty change of heart within us, he qualifies us and guides us along. So "come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him" (Omni 1:26). Stop trying to be so in control, just let yourself go into the hands of God, because then and only then will true happiness, and peace will fill your heart and "then shall your confidence was strong in the presence of God" (D&C 121:45). Do all you can, but stop being a Pharisee, so caught up in yourself, and the rules and expectations you have made for yourself, that you deny the power of the Savior and Deliverer who stands before you. He decides when we have done enough, not us. Listen to His voice, not your own, or worse the adversaries. 

So that's basically what the Lord has been trying to teach me on my mission, to be humble, submissive, and meek, and most importantly to put my whole soul on the sacrificial alter, all of my heart, my mind, my might, and my strength. I think I might just now be starting to learn it. But I love being a missionary. I love being a trainer, I have learned so much. Though I am incredibly human and weak, he is qualifying me."