we never walk alone

February and March were not my favorite months in the world. To say it was crazy would be an understatement. Ya know those time where you're just swimming and barely staying afloat? That was me. I would wake up in the morning not knowing how everything was going to get done and also struggling with the motivation to do so. But there's one good thing about having a real adult job: you can't really skip. So every morning I would wake up (stay in bed as long as possible) and then just do life, because there wasn't really any other choice. It was probably a blessing that I have those 20 little cutie head 8 year olds to focus on for 8 hours every day because things probably could've been worse.

Here's a little taste of what I was dealing with. Oh, and of course one storm can't come at a time. They allll had to pile up on top of each other at the same time. THE WORST.

• Sometimes we have to go through SPIRITUAL TRIALS. Those times when God cuts you down so he can build you back up and make you better than you were before. I learned an infinite amount about the atonement and really went back to the basics. So much praying and scripture reading. 

• BOY DRAMA. Break ups aren't really that fun. They are emotionally taxing and socially awkward and just quite miserable. It's literally like a death that has to be mourned and then dealt with because life just has to go on. You have to start new. Find new friends. Fill your time. Not feel sorry for yourself. And try not to think too much. This one kind of takes the cake though. It was a rough one. 
• SCHOOL. Now is the time that all the principals are hiring for next year. I was trying to update my resume, apply for jobs, get letters of recommendation, go to interviews, and find time to stop by and visit principals. I was also getting observed and working on my teacher work sample. It is a big culminating project that basically shows BYU that you've learned something and you know how to teach. It ended up being a 50 page paper after I had taught the unit to my students. And I had to do all this while being a normal teacher every day with the already never-ending to-do list. 
• SICK. Being sick is never fun but I legit had a fever for 4 or 5 days and it was miserable. I couldn't even get out of bed. I also struggle with some stomach issues and other things so I eventually went to the doctor and tried to figure it all out. I didn't get a ton of answers but I did realize that because of all my stress I was kind of dealing with a lot of anxiety. It's the worst thing on the planet. It gives you headaches, makes things feel like the end of the world, makes your stomach go in knots, and makes it impossible to accomplish anything. The only way to combat it is to manage the stress which is the last thing you want to do when you already have too much to do.

Now, I don't say all this to go on a "woe is me" rant, but just to illustrate that it was just a lot to deal with at one time! But here's the blessing. I really tried to put God first. I was working on my faith and my patience and just doing everything that I knew how to do to the best that I could with everything that was going on. 

Just last week I was on my way to work and I thought to myself, "Everything is going so well, how did it all get done?" And then this quote popped into my head:

"I promise you that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that He was always there beside you."  President Thomas S. Monson

I realized then that I had been carried. There is a Savior!! I am so grateful that the atonement makes us better and not only saves us from our sins, but to strengthen our weaknesses and shortcomings. There is literally no possible way that everything was taken care of on its own or with my own limited power. There was a lot of help from a loving Heavenly Father. And somehow you make it through. You survive. And you come out stronger and more aware of how merciful He is. 

I made some huge strides spiritually. I spent a lot of time at the temple and that helped give me perspective. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the Book of Mormon every day. I started hanging out with new friends and spent time with old friends. I also go to take time for myself and do the things that were important to me! I have been reading and playing the piano and writing and organizing my bedroom and classroom. I've spent a lot of time out in nature enjoying that spring sunshine! I turned in my teacher work sample on time and passed it! I passed the Praxis test! I got a job for next year! And I can officially graduate. I also have been trying to eat a lot better and keep my body healthy! Sure, nothing is perfect and there's still more things to figure out, but there are a billion blessings that Heavenly Father blessed me with.

I don't have all the answers, but I know if I keep trusting Him, He will provide for me and always give me what I need the most. And always, despite the hard things, there is always so much to be grateful for.